Tanara McCauley

Culturally Imagined Stories

A Marriage Worth Saving


My husband and I recently celebrated our tenth year of marriage. My surprise at how fast that milestone has come is surpassed only by how many of our friends’ marriages have collapsed along the way. Couples who were as vibrant and playful with each other as we are, whose faces and smiles grace the pages of our photo albums and the frames on our shelves.

Marriages end for a number of reasons, but is it safe to say – judgment aside – that some abandon ship long before it’s truly sunk? I know there are instances that would certainly tempt me to do so. From even before the wedding vows were spoken, my mantra was “I’ll stick with you through anything. But if you ever cheat on me, I’ll be gone so fast you’ll think you dreamed me up!” With maturity I learned to stop threatening my husband for a hypothetical offense, but the motive behind it has always resonated with me: in a strong marriage, betrayal may be the hardest pill to swallow.

It can be swallowed, yes. But many choose to spit it out and hurl the ring right behind it, not pausing to ask: what if…

There are no easy choices where marriage in trouble is concerned. And even when the apparent right choice surfaces, the ability to follow through with it is its own wrestling match. How does one decide if it’s worth saving? And if it is, how do they save it? My debut novel explores these questions, as well as the alternatives. I’m also interested in hearing your thoughts.


7 responses to “A Marriage Worth Saving”

  1. Very true….I also think we live in a throw away society. People don’t want to do the work to keep/save their marriage

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  2. I call my situation a “tsunami divorce” because it was sudden, complete, and unexpected. In some ways, it was easier than a “normal” divorce, however, as I never had to wonder if I was making the right decision. It takes two to make a marriage work, but one can destroy it.

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    • Thanks for a fresh perspective stilllearning2b. The end of marriage doesn’t always have two contributors, and in that situation one has no control over the outcome. For the one hit by the “wave” (I read the more detailed definition of a tsunami divorce on you blog page) I imagine the divorce process might be easier (from a paperwork standpoint) but the emotional aftermath staggering. I admire your efforts to not only take positive lessons from your experience, but to help others with theirs.

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      • The paperwork was actually a nightmare (long story, but he fought with crazy lies and accusations), but I really do believe that the emotional healing was easier in the long run after surviving the initial blow. It was a clean amputation. No anesthesia, but not prolonged either. One of the ways that I am healing is by using my lessons to help others who have seen the end of a marriage.

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