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Tanara McCauley

~ Love Knows Color

Tanara McCauley

Tag Archives: relationships

The Knight in Blue Jeans

06 Friday Mar 2015

Posted by tanaramccauley in Faith, Relationships, and Other Topics, Writing and Pursuing Publication

≈ 2 Comments

Tags

amreading, amwriting, books, Christian fiction, dating, fiction, hero, heroine, knight in shining armor, marriage, protagonist, reading, realism, relationships, romance novel

200247260-001

My phone alerted me to a text. I paused to read it and shook my head. It was from my husband, his latest response to a series of messages between us. I tapped the reply square. “You’re such a man.”

And I didn’t mean that in a “you’re the hunk of my dreams and I swoon at the thought of you” sense, though he most certainly is (go ahead, gag). The context was more: only a man would think that, type that, and actually send that.

 

Because the average man is a far cry from the poetry-spouting knight we concocted in our imaginations at girlhood. And though he might start out playing all the cards he thinks a woman wants to see in the game of courting, over time he transitions back into the flesh-and-blood guy God created him to be: quite direct, impossibly practical, and in need of a good nudge now and then when it comes to the “r” word.

And that type of realism is what I like to see in a good romance novel.

For me the guy who gets the girl has got to be believable. He makes mistakes, says the wrong thing, does the stupid thing, misses the hint, snaps back when he’s fed up, and has thicker skin than the lady sniffling across from him. Good looking is nice, though not required.

He’s also considerate, repentant, makes an effort to “get it,” loves his lady with a vengeance, and would lay down and die for her. He’s patient when she’s driving him insane, strong when she’s weak, a warrior when she’s threatened, and chases her when she runs.

His love for her–and the conflicting way it makes him vulnerable and strong at the same time–that’s romantic. And when I reach “The End” of a novel–whether I’ve written or read it–that’s the kind of romance I want to know exists in the hero.

Even if that makes him the kind of guy who sends a “you’re such a man” text from time to time.

Your turn: What’s your favorite kind of book and why?

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The Nearness of God

13 Saturday Dec 2014

Posted by tanaramccauley in and Other Topics, Faith, Relationships

≈ 4 Comments

Tags

broken hearted, Christ, Christian, Christmas, comfort, family, grief, healing, holidays, hurt, love, nearness of God, psalm, relationships, restoration

The Lord is near to those who have a broken heart, and saves such as have a contrite spirit. -Psalm 34:18

nearness to God

This will be our first Christmas without my mother-in-law. For some it will be a first Christmas without a spouse, a sibling, a friend, or a child. For others it will be the second Christmas, or the third, maybe more.

Whatever your grief, know that God has not forgotten you. May His love surround you in such a way that you know without a doubt He is near.

Blessings and prayers from my family to yours.

~Tanara

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The Write Kind of Life

17 Monday Nov 2014

Posted by tanaramccauley in Writing and Pursuing Publication

≈ 9 Comments

Tags

amreading, amwriting, authors, books, chocolate, coffee, community, editing, inspiration, relationships, writers

IMG_9213.JPG
Writing is a solitary business.

Sure, lots of people do it. But when it’s time to put words to page, the writer is often isolated behind four walls.

We talk to ourselves. We get talked to by inspirational quotes we’ve framed, tacked, or taped all around the writing den, not to mention characters we’ve made up.

We stare into space. Drum fingers. Type. Delete. Backspace. Rewrite.

Minutes pass into hours. Hours produce hundreds of words, maybe thousands. Or not.

And we do this, enjoying or enduring it, day in and day out.

Alone.

Yet there are things that bind us. Little constants, partaken of or adhered to by writers, that act as invisible dots. From that keyboard clacking in the cubbyhole of an office, to the one tap-tap-tapping from the lounge chair on the beach.

A sip of something hot and steaming between paragraphs.

A nibble on sweet treats at the close of a scene.

A dip into the pages of someone else’s book while we break from writing our own.

Coffee. Chocolate. Chai.

#anwriting to #amreading.

Word counts. Daily goals. Settings. Arcs. Plot points. Characters. Dark moments. Platform.

These things take the solitary, isolated writer and give her a place among thousands of sisters and brothers who live the writer life.

The write kind of life. And we dare not trade it.

Your turn: What are your favorite things about the community you belong to in your line of work?

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When the Odd Bird Flies

09 Sunday Nov 2014

Posted by tanaramccauley in Faith, Relationships, and Other Topics

≈ 4 Comments

Tags

amwriting, author, beauty, Christian living, gymnastics, inspiration, motivation, odd bird, parable, perseverance, purpose, purposeful living, relationships, swan, ugly duckling, writing

oddbird

Odd bird.

It’s an expression my family uses for something or someone who strikes us as unusual. The context can be positive, such as a quirky or endearing oddity; or it can be of the don’t-make-eye-contact variety.

A bird of the former type attends my daughter’s gymnastics school. She’s tall and pale, all angles and elbows. A haunting beauty if I ever saw one. Glance at her slumped shoulders and ducked head, and it’s obvious she doesn’t think so.

“I will praise You, for I am fearfully and wonderfully made.” Psalm 139:14

Each week I watch her practice, this swan in the making. I have never seen a cartwheel so awkward. When her legs are in the air, she pulls them in almost like a frog’s, as if she’s not quite sure how to manage their full length, and maybe doesn’t want to bring attention to how long they are. Her tumbles and rolls are just as unbalanced.

Despite her weaknesses, before every maneuver her eyes light with a fierce sort of determination, as if in her head she’s saying, “I know I’m not good at this, but I will be.”

And for just a moment, that few seconds before she has to run down the mat, or hop up on the beam, or climb the rope, she folds out of her ball of insecurity and self-consciousness. She squares her shoulders, clenches her fists, takes a deep, shaky breath, and that little beauty puts her all into it.

Her finish is clumsy. She looks down, probably not wanting to see the response to what she presumes is failure. Still she gets back in line and gives it another go. And each week she gets a little better.

Watching her moves me. I can’t help thinking that maybe when the Father watches many of us, including me, He sees what I see in her: fear of failure, fear of being seen failing, insecurity over what we must look like to others when we put ourselves out there and finish clumsy, doubt that we’ll ever succeed despite how much effort we put into it.

And yet we don’t give up, because something inside won’t let us. Maybe it’s the fire burning within that speaks to the purpose of our creation, or maybe our Creator Himself, who knows the plans He has for our lives and spurs us gently onward.

“He who has begun a good work in you will complete it until the day of Jesus Christ.” Philippians 1:6

Writing is hard. Parenting is hard. Marriage, friendship, art, work. Life.

Everything we endeavor to do well can be laden with periods of ungainly tumbles and uncoordinated leaps. We fall, trip, bruise–and look as odd as a six-legged horse in the process. But like the little gymnast, we shake it off and do it again.

Because birds don’t fly on the ground.

Odd birds are only odd for a time, enduring momentary setbacks and temporary failures as we flap about. One day we’ll take flight, soaring high to all that God has called us to for His glory alone.

Right now we’re just strengthening our wings.

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When Mom’s Away…

21 Sunday Sep 2014

Posted by tanaramccauley in and Other Topics, Faith, Relationships, Writing and Pursuing Publication

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Tags

ACFW, American Christian Fiction Writers, amwriting, author, authors, children, conference, humor, parenting, relationships, St. Louis, writers, writing

As I gear up to head to the American Christian Fiction Writers (ACFW) conference in St. Louis, I’m tempted to fret over how my family can possibly manage without me. My husband is off work and my father-in-law will be flying in to keep him company, still I’m skeptical of two men being able to manage every group of the food pyramid (we won’t even discuss cooking it), school uniforms, practice schedules, games, homework, chores, gardening, an all day four-year-old, and countless other things. Not to mention what my two daughters’ very long, exceedingly curly, extremely thick hair is going to look like by the time I return from five days absence.

This short, fifteen-second commercial helped me to put the brakes on all that worrying. When I’m gone, things won’t be done my way. And that’s just fine. While I might find a few things to cringe about if I could watch the goings-on of my household from my cell phone (is there an app for that?), I’d also find my kids safe, prayed over, fed–with something, and happy.

I’m blessed to have a husband who supports my dream. And I’m grateful for a place to go where I can connect with other writers, grow in my craft, worship the Lord, and pursue the next step.

So St. Louis here I come! May the Lord bless, keep and protect my family, and every other family His writers are leaving behind. And for the moms en route with me, here’s to having things dad’s way for a time :-).

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Mercy Despised

15 Friday Aug 2014

Posted by tanaramccauley in Faith, Relationships, and Other Topics

≈ 6 Comments

Tags

bondage, chains, Christ, forgiveness, freedom, grace, inspiration, love, mercy, relationships, repentance, salvation, submission, surrender

chains

Not too long ago I had a wrestling match with my youngest daughter, something we do quite often. This particular day I had to cut our bout short.

I trapped her legs between mine, clamped her arms to her sides and her back to my chest in a one-armed hug, and applied enough pressure so that she could accomplish little more than a wiggle.

She laughed.

“You want me to let go?” I stuck my nose in her neck to tickle-torture an affirmative out of her. After squirming just to double-check my grip, she agreed. “Okay, okay. Let me go.”

“Say ‘mercy.'”

She stiffened. Struggled a little more. Shook her head.

“You want me to let go don’t you?” Nod. “Then say ‘mercy.'” Vigorous head shaking. Then the real battle began. She flexed and pushed and strained and twisted. Breath held. Shoulders stiff. Feet jerking in short kicks.

I held on, amazed by her obstinacy. Between laughing and having to reestablish my hold (she’s a strong one), I’d repeat, “Say ‘mercy.'” And she’d respond with a firm, “No.” Her giggling petered out as she got frustrated.

She wanted me to let go. That had already been established. And she was more than willing to take my offer of mercy if it were unconditional. But a formal surrender? Too proud for that. So proud, in fact, she was willing to get deeper into bondage by struggling, rather than simply say the word “mercy” and receive freedom.

Astounding.

Of course I let her go once her “ha, ha, ha” weakened to “he, he, he” and then became “wa, wa, wa.” She’s four. Smack a kiss on that stubborn cheek and set her free.

It didn’t escape me, however, that the response to Christ by many is sadly no different from that of a pre-schooler. We despise the idea of surrender. And in doing so, despise mercy as well.

There’s bondage aplenty: spiritual, physical, financial, sexual, and too many more to name. If it exists, we splash in it, swim in it, or plunge right in to drown in it.

And if mercy is our unconditional right, if we can live like we want and spend our days how we wish, and Christ’s blood is still for the taking without us ever doing the asking, then by all means shower some mercy on us.

But ask? Surrender? Lay down our pride and open our mouths and admit, “I need You. I can’t do this on my own. I confess that You died for me. I confess You as the only way to forgiveness, the only One who can grant me eternal life, the only One who can save me.”

We’d rather stay where we are–no, descend further into the depths–in our struggle to refuse Him.

It’s a grievous irony, this fight to stay in bondage at the expense of victory which comes through surrender. This wanting to live forever but not wanting the Way, the Truth and the Life. This desire to do it all on our own.

When. We. Simply. Cannot.

The mercy of God in Christ is life. He won’t force it on us, but He is ever offering it to us. Let us not despise it.

“For You, Lord, are good, and ready to forgive, and abundant in mercy to all those who call upon You.” ~Psalm 86:5

 

 

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10 Steps to iPhone Madness

13 Wednesday Aug 2014

Posted by tanaramccauley in and Other Topics, Faith, Relationships

≈ 2 Comments

Tags

cracked glass, don't sweat the small stuff, glass repair kit, humor, iPhone, just for fund, patience, phone repair, relationships, ten steps, YouTube tutorials

  1. Drop phone just so, crack the glass.

  2. Decide cracked glass is functional. Resume regular iPhone activity.

  3. Take a nap while iPhone charges on the bookcase.

  4. Sleep through husband abducting phone and performing an emergency YouTube-instructed cracked-glass-endectomy.

  5. Wake to find iPhone in pieces with TWO cracked glass screens among the carnage.

  6. HOLD THY TONGUE, WOMAN!

  7. Approve the purchase of a second glass repair kit.

  8. Scavenge mind for passwords and phone numbers. Forsake the lot of it.

  9. Celebrate arrival of repair kit and impending iPhone reunion.

  10. Pray to not have to repeat steps 1-9. And kiss that man from step 4, his heart was in the right place :-).

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Promised

18 Saturday Jan 2014

Posted by tanaramccauley in Faith, Relationships, and Other Topics

≈ 4 Comments

Tags

Christ, Christian living, faith, grief, hope, inspiration, joy, loss, love, promises, relationships, salvation

Life–if we’re honest–is hard.

That’s not to say it isn’t good. Laughter, the arms of a child thrown around your neck, kisses from the one you love–these are all precious tidbits of the countless things that keep us striving to lengthen our days.

But life does throw many a curve ball. And these unexpected hurls of devastation feel meteor-sized by the time they strike.

I’ve been blessed enough to not have a multitude of wayward pitches chucked my way. But when it happens the aftermath is intense, especially when there’s loss. Because those I love, I love deeply.

Yet even then I have a foundation that keeps me anchored and assures me comfort will come.

We’ve not been promised easy. Nor has our faith in Christ granted us immunity from the hardship and heartache of life.

We have, however, been promised Christ. And in the end, I can endure the uncertainty and pain of life, just as I enjoy the fruit of all the blessings.

Because I am His. And He is mine.

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Ready…or Not: An Author’s Pre-Conference Petition (and Parody)

08 Sunday Sep 2013

Posted by tanaramccauley in Faith, Relationships, and Other Topics, Writing and Pursuing Publication

≈ 24 Comments

Tags

ACFW, agent, American Christian Fiction Writers, amwriting, author, Bible, Christ, comedy, editor appointments, elevator pitch, faith, fears, humor, introversion, introvert, onesheet, parody, personality traits, prayer, relationships, spiritual warfare, spirituality, synopsis, thorn in the flesh, weakness, worship, writer conference, writers, writing

In less than a week, I will kiss my husband and kids goodbye, board a plane, hoist my carry-on in the overhead compartment, and fly to Indianapolis for the American Christian Fiction Writers (ACFW) Conference.

I’ve worked on my proposal and one-sheets (all that’s great about your novel on one page), practiced my elevator pitch, become acquainted with other first-timers via a group thread, and have been praying for God’s will, whatever it is, to be done.

I’m ready…almost.

The idea of being among hundreds of other authors–all Christians, all with the goal of using the craft of writing to glorify the Lord and touch lives while doing it–is astounding. And I’m amped to worship with these folks.

I’m praying to walk away with a new writing buddy. Not just a “trade likes on Facebook” type of buddy (though I’ll take those too :-)), but a special sister I can connect with on that deeper level to take this journey with.

The worship and the buddy connection I’m anticipating are enough to have me so excited I burn calories just thinking about them.

But then I think about the appointments–those two fifteen minute slots I’ll have with an editor or agent (I won’t know who/which til I get there)–and I ask, “What on earth have I gotten myself into?”

It’s silly really, I know. Tell that to my beating heart. Tell it that those fears of showing up to my appointments and not remembering my own name (let alone the summary of my story in thirty words) is unrealistic. As is the notion that I’ll open my folder to pull out a one-sheet only to find it empty, or open my mouth and start selling my story…in Chinese.

This past week the nerves have put me in a very “productive in every area but conference preparation” sort of mode.

Instead of fixing the formatting issues on my one-sheet, I’ll look at my 3-year-old and think, “I haven’t updated her baby book in a while.” I’ve trimmed my plants, organized closets, categorized photos for goodness sake…anything to avoid thinking about that whopping thirty minutes of the conference weekend.

According to all that’s sane and scriptural, it’s ridiculous. The worst thing that can happen is I pitch my book and they’re not interested. Rejection is nothing new in the world we writers live in. So, being at peace with that potential outcome, why can’t I shake these “interview” jitters?

I don’t have a concrete answer. Some on my first-timers loop (my new peeps) have suggested spiritual warfare, which they’re experiencing in various ways. And it makes sense, since introversion walks a fine line between personality trait and personality flaw, and it’s definitely an area where I’m susceptible.

It could also be the weakness I have that Christ uses to tell me “My grace is sufficient for you, for My strength is made perfect in weakness.”

And like I told my peeps, “Though I’d love to be that person who’s so confident and carefree their only worries are what places of interest to visit during free time, I have to say that my insecurities have made me cling to God and bury my face in His robe like a child stuck to the leg of a parting parent. So I’ll take it.”

Regardless of the why, however, the what is not an option. I will, for lack of a better epithet, “get er done.” I will polish my proposal, put some more practice on these pitches, fix this annoying alignment issue on my one-sheet, and, oh yeah, pack.

And I will ask for your prayers.

Pray for me that I will finish strong in my preparations, and that I will go to this conference trusting God. Pray also that He will help me to just be myself, to be open to and serving of others, to be confident in Him and joyful. Pray that His will be done.

And pray for my family that He watches over and guards them while I am away, and that He brings me home to them safely. And if you are willing, pray the same for the hundreds of others rowing the same boat that I’m in. We all need it.

Thank you, and God bless you.

Now I’m ready.

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O Death, Where is Your Sting!

20 Tuesday Aug 2013

Posted by tanaramccauley in Faith, Relationships, and Other Topics

≈ 6 Comments

Tags

aortic dissection, Bible, Christ, Death, encouragement, eternal perspective, faith, friendship, heart disease, heaven, loss, relationships, spirituality

Louise

These past twelve months have seen their share of trouble.

In the circles of my family and nearest my family we’ve endured several trials and losses, from serious illness diagnoses to organ transplants to multiple unexpected deaths. Tomorrow we bury another loved one, a beautiful soul who was like a fourth sister in our close family.

Wife, mother of three, daughter, sister, teacher, and aunt to my nephew and two other precious little ones, Louise Austin Towey died suddenly on August 10 after suffering an aortic dissection a week prior.

Oddly, of all the verses that are so appropriate for loss, grief, and hope during difficult times, what speaks to me instead is Luke 12:4 “And I say to you, My friends, do not be afraid of those who kill the body, and after that have no more that they can do.”

While in the immediate and most practical context “those” refers to people, it struck me that the verse is also appropriate for those other things harmful, hateful, and fatal to the body: disease, injury, accidents, etc.

During loss, especially an unexpected loss, it’s tempting to be afraid of that which robbed us of a loved one. It’s also tempting to fear the unknown, and to grieve as those who have no hope.

But I’m reminded that no matter what is done to our temporary, fragile bodies, once it’s done it cannot be done again. The temporal has no power over the eternal, and our eternal souls–when we have put our hope in Jesus–cry out indeed “O Death, where is your sting? O Hades, where is your victory?” (1 Corinthians 15:55)

In my fourteen years as a believer, I can count on one hand (and have fingers left over) of women I’ve known personally who have a “gentle and quiet spirit, which is very precious in the sight of God.” Louise was one of those people. And she will be greatly missed.

A memorial fund Love For Louise has been established to help with the medical costs and ongoing care for her family.

“And I heard a loud voice from heaven saying, ‘Behold, the tabernacle of God is with men, and He will dwell with them, and they shall be His people, and God Himself will be with them and be their God. And God will wipe away every tear from their eyes; there shall be no more death, nor sorrow, nor crying; and there shall be no more pain, for the former things have passed away.'” (Revelation 21:3-4)

To my God and Father be glory forever and ever.

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