• About
  • Contact Tanara

Tanara McCauley

~ Love Knows Color

Tanara McCauley

Tag Archives: God

Beautiful

24 Saturday Sep 2016

Posted by tanaramccauley in Faith, Relationships, and Other Topics

≈ 2 Comments

Tags

accountability, beautiful children, Bible, Christ, Christian, destiny, encouragement, faith, flowers, God, holiness, inspiration, Jesus, lilac, obedience, parenting, perseverance, psalms, purpose, relationships, son, sun

flowers

A woman had a dream.

She walked for miles through fields and deserts, grasslands and marshes, following the sun. It warmed her face and shined in her eyes, making her squint as she journeyed.

She pushed aside tall stalks of wheat, trudged through wet sand. Her thighs strained up steep mountainsides. In every place the sun led her past countless people. At the river they fished and washed. On the plains they shepherded. In the cities they bustled. Each of them backs turned and busy.

All but the deformed ones.

Every face she saw was contorted in some way. Young and old, from snow-white skin to complexions of polished sable.

They looked at her as she approached, then beyond her as she passed.

Hope. Relief. Joy. These emotions changed their dull expressions at sight of the invisible presence behind her, but each time she turned for a glimpse of who or what moved them so, she saw nothing.

Then she reached the end of her journey.

She stood at the edge of a cliff overhanging the ocean. The waves danced and bellowed beneath her. She could feel the spray dust her face and settle in her hair, smell the water tinged with the scent of marine life.

She breathed deep, and the cool air coursed through her like a live thing. She gasped and fell to her knees, her body radiating inside as the sun beamed overhead. It rose higher, calming the waves as its rays stretched across the sea. The same stillness settled over her.

She turned. The deformed ones had followed. They gathered around a young man dressed in white, their excited chatter floating through the air like feather-light laughter. Something about the man struck her as familiar. His hands glowed. Beautiful. He reached out to each face, his touch healing and drying heavy tears.

Then on they went, one by one, faces lifted like blooming flowers, into the brilliance of the sun.

The man faced the woman, and she woke with a start.

Her husband sat next to her in bed, mouth gaped, eyes on her. “You won’t believe the dream I just had,” he said.

Their son rushed in, his five-year-old legs pumping, and landed between them. “Jesus touched my hands, Mommy. So I could touch the people.”

Heat spread across her chest, as if the sun from her dream hovered over her heart. She wrote these things on lilac-scented stationery and tucked it in her Bible.

Her son grew and finished his schooling. His mother came to the graduation, her husband with her in spirit. She had fished out the stationery for the occasion, held it gently between her fingers, the faint scent of lilac still present on the worn paper.

He laughed when he saw it. Surely she didn’t expect him to follow through on a dream nearly two decades old. His name was already renowned in circles, his future wealth guaranteed, the likes of which he couldn’t achieve if he didn’t choose his own path.

Stunned, she opened her mouth, but the accusing stares of his colleagues silenced her. She tried to remember the dream, how vivid it had been, how real. She wanted to convince her son of the urgency of his purpose. But like the scent on the paper, the dream had faded. The faces had wilted to a silvery blur in her memory. “But Jesus…”

He shook his head. She looked at her boy, into those bright brown eyes that shined with defiance yet yearned for her approval. Not wanting to push him away, she shunned instead the unsettling stir in her heart. She crumpled the paper. “Do what makes you happy, son.”

After he hugged her, he and his colleagues stood among throngs of people that had appeared from nowhere. A deafening rip sounded from the ground and a great chasm opened the earth. The woman stumbled toward the edge but someone caught her from behind. She looked and saw her husband there, his face grave as he gazed past her to where their son stood on the other side.

The young face that had just beamed with triumph and promise now twisted in fear. Her boy.

A bitter cold knifed through the woman’s heart, even as the light of the sun fell so that particles in the air glittered like diamonds.

A voice cried out, “Oh, worship the LORD in the beauty of holiness! Tremble before Him, all the earth.”

The woman fell to her knees. The light increased around her like the touch of a soft blanket. He said her name, and she knew His voice. She lifted her head, but could not bring herself to look past the feet of bronze.

His hand touched her face, and she woke with a start.

Her husband sat next to her in bed, his eyes red and watery. “You dreamt it too,” he said.

Their son rushed in, his five-year-old legs pumping, and landed between them. “Jesus touched my hands, Mommy. So I could touch the people.” His little nose wrinkled. “He said I had to become beautiful first, so I don’t forget. But boys can’t be beautiful!”

Oh, worship the LORD in the beauty of holiness! Tremble before Him, all the earth.

The words filled the woman’s chest, like a whisper sparking a flame. Her husband pulled her close, and moved their son so that he sat on both of their laps. “Yes they can, son,” he said. “In their hearts and before God they can. We’ll teach you, both of us.”

Her husband looked at her. His eyes a letter of deep love, of memories and laughter and tears and forgiveness. Of peace. Of resolve.

He brought her hand to his lips and kissed it.

“We’ll both teach you,” he repeated. “And when you forget, Mommy will never let you be okay with it. We love you too much.”

The boy mimicked his father. He grabbed her hand with his small one and planted his soft, wet lips on her skin. His fingers thin and nimble. His bright brown eyes shining. His heart soft and open, like soil for blooming flowers.

Beautiful.

 

Share this:

  • Twitter
  • Facebook
  • LinkedIn
  • Pinterest

Like this:

Like Loading...

Be “Hoo” You Are

24 Friday Apr 2015

Posted by tanaramccauley in Faith, Relationships, and Other Topics

≈ 4 Comments

Tags

Christ, Christianity, conformity, early bird, faith, fitting in, God, motherhood, night owl, parenting, peer pressure, prayer, relationships

night owl

~My eyes are awake through the night watches, that I may meditate on Your word~
Psalm 119:148

As a young child I came alive at night, and snoozed each morning till the last possible second.

In college I signed up for all the evening classes I could find. The professor of my one morning class once gave me a dignitary’s greeting. “Miss McCauley! How nice of you to grace us with your presence!”

I performed my way into a job with a flexible schedule, often baffling the poor security guards by strolling into an empty office around 2 a.m.

And yet, despite always knowing I thrived best under the glow of a silver moon, when I became a mother I tried squeezing my night owl thighs into early bird tights.

Those suckers refused to fit.

Still, the desire to blend in with other moms had a strong enough pull to make me keep trying. No matter that my little ones were involved in several activities, or that they could read before kindergarten. Forget them being accustomed to being on my schedule.

Others would hear how we ran our house, and show their disapproval to the tune of raised brows, clicked tongues, and the occasional snarky comment disguised as friendly teasing. I began to question my methods and doubt my adequacy as a mom.

I’d retire at a normal time, then lay there thinking about what I could be doing instead of actually doing it. I struggled to make it to 8 a.m. playdates, despite having gone to sleep just three hours prior.

And though nothing changed with my internal clock, my liveliness faded. My time with God became mechanical, reading the Word without actually absorbing any of it, praying from a confused, tired, joyless frame of mind.

What I’d had with Him before, in the watches of the night, had been rich and full. And I missed it.

I realized what I had sacrificed in order to assimilate and be acceptable on the ever-so-competitive mom scene. And the urge to conform lost its luster, because the cost was too great.

Of course I rise early every morning. Those kids have school. They need to eat. Practical stuff like that. But I no longer force myself to engage when I’d rather be calm and silent. I go to bed when I want, and take a nap if I need to.

And when the world sleeps, when my house is clean and silent, and more words to a story have been written, that’s when my eyes see Him best, when my heart hears Him clearly, when my joy is full.

Because that’s how He made me. So I’ll be “hoo” I am.

Your turn: When have you been tempted to operate contrary to how God uniquely designed you?

Share this:

  • Twitter
  • Facebook
  • LinkedIn
  • Pinterest

Like this:

Like Loading...

Tongue on Fire

01 Tuesday Oct 2013

Posted by tanaramccauley in Faith, Relationships, and Other Topics

≈ 9 Comments

Tags

amwriting, Christian, disobedience, faith, forbidden, God, mango habanero wings, obedience, parenting, sin, temptation

ID-100188329

My son hovered over the boneless, tasty looking mango-habanero chicken wings with a gleam in his eye.

“Don’t touch ’em son,” I told him. “They’re too spicy. We saved you the others.”

He grabbed his wings, satisfied enough, but greedily licked the sauce from a finger that had grazed the forbidden ones. The small taste set his heart on a new course.

“Not too spicy,” he said, pulling up a chair to devour the leftovers his dad and I had doggy-bagged from our lunch out.

Sure enough, minutes after he’d finished the food he could eat (and when he thought I wasn’t looking), he grabbed one of the boneless wings and took a generous bite.

He put it down when he saw me staring, a sly “you caught me” smirk on him. Ten seconds in, that little eight-year-old head lost its smile, bugged its eyes, and hung its mouth in search of anything to cool its flaming tongue.

“What?” he asked me, trying miserably to save face. “It’s not spicy. It just tastes weird.”

Yeah, that’s why your words are coming out like you’re in desperate need of an oxygen mask.

He picked up a cup of water and tossed it back. A whole sip. For a second I thought he would take to chewing just to get water from the cup’s pores.

Saving face no longer a priority, he hustled his little self over to the water dispenser. No time to fill up. Just enough water. Toss it in. Slosh it around. Swallow. Repeat.

Like any mother worth her salt, I watched.

Punishment? If his tongue could speak for itself I think it’d say justice has been more than served.  No need for “I told you so.”

He learned his lesson. We can too.

As Christians we often encounter things God’s word clearly says “no” to. We don’t see the harm in it so we forge ahead in disobedience. We even go so far as to give Him our justifications.

And because we choose to ignore His instruction, we learn the hard way through experience.

Sin, no matter how sweet in the beginning, will burn the tongue that tastes it in the aftermath.

With wisdom we learn to skip the scorching, and feast instead on the blessings God freely gives us.

Image courtesy of arztsamui / FreeDigitalPhotos.net

Share this:

  • Twitter
  • Facebook
  • LinkedIn
  • Pinterest

Like this:

Like Loading...

Chevy Man Prayer

18 Thursday Jul 2013

Posted by tanaramccauley in Faith, Relationships, and Other Topics, Short Stories, Songs, and Poetry

≈ 12 Comments

Tags

amwriting, chevy, dialysis, God, healing, health, miracles, organ transplant, poetry, praise, prayer, psalms, sickness, spirituality

toolbox

He sat alone in the cab of his Chevy
Eyes burning, heart heavy
He rubbed on the arm that had just been used
His blood recycled, his spirit abused
He looked to the sky to the One he can’t see
Do You know? Do You hear? Some mercy for me?
It’s been only weeks and I know they said years
But Lord I can’t take this…Lord I can’t take this

That night at his home he pondered the morrow
More tragic sessions, unending sorrow
He felt the guilt of not having more hope
Of thinking of self, of failing to cope
Try as he might he could not reconcile
A lifetime of pain and poor health with this trial?
Of lacking in joy for indefinite time?
Oh Lord will You take this? Lord will You take this?

That very next day Chevy man got a call
Mr. M.? We’ve got news that’ll make your mouth fall
A donor’s been found, the organ’s en route
You’ve got to come put on this hospital suit
Transplant’s in the morning, and if all goes well
You’ll have quite a story of wonder to tell
His mouth fell indeed, his heart leapt in praise
Lord my God! Lord my God! Lord my God!

Sounds a bit far-fetched right? Only it isn’t.

Mr. M. is one Mr. McCauley–my dad.

He started dialysis this April. In June he was approved for placement on the transplant list. He was told to expect 5-7 years of waiting for an organ, if one ever came at all due to his rare blood type.

After a particularly horrific dialysis session in late June, he sat in his truck with the same heaviness of heart mentioned in the poem. He looked to the sky and asked for deliverance.

The very next day he got that call. And the day after that he was the recipient of a new organ. I was able to visit for a portion of his recovery and walk with him, talk with him, watch movies, laugh over memories, and just wow over what God had done.

In the words of King David: “I have set the Lord always before me; because He is at my right hand I shall not be moved.” Psalm 16:8

I will praise Him high and low, through good and bad, health and illness, practical and miracle.

Lord my God! Lord my God! Lord my God!

Share this:

  • Twitter
  • Facebook
  • LinkedIn
  • Pinterest

Like this:

Like Loading...

Marriage Part IV: The Christian Husband

23 Sunday Jun 2013

Posted by tanaramccauley in Faith, Relationships, and Other Topics

≈ 14 Comments

Tags

anniversary, Christian husband, God, joe dallas, marriage, men, relationships, spouse building, wife, women

Not being a man, I didn’t see fit to write on this topic myself because–despite what today’s popular culture would have one believe–men and women are just not the same.

Sure I could write about what I think the ideal Christian husband should be, but the end result might be a list of to-dos in the form of projects (especially that custom planter bed I’ve been nagging…uh, asking my husband about), a script of sensationally sappy sweet nothings to say, a how-to guide for emotional tank-filling, and the admonition that he’ll never truly understand his woman because sometimes I don’t understand myself.

And most certainly there’d be a full-fledged course on the saying, “Me having to tell you defeats the purpose.”

But what God has called the Christian husband to be goes beyond meeting felt needs or caving to every feminine whim. And I think that call is expressed wonderfully in Joe Dallas’ Spouse Building which can be read here.

On that same note, I want to express my heartfelt gratitude to God for blessing me with such a spouse, and a joyous Happy Anniversary to my husband of eleven years!

jntanniversary2 jntanniversary
Images courtesy of T Cupp Photography

Click here for Marriage Part I: The Model, Click here for Marriage Part II: The Choice, Click here fore Marriage Part III: The Wife’s Role

 

Share this:

  • Twitter
  • Facebook
  • LinkedIn
  • Pinterest

Like this:

Like Loading...

My Iron Sharpener

25 Monday Feb 2013

Posted by tanaramccauley in Faith, Relationships, and Other Topics

≈ Leave a comment

Tags

all times, best friend, children, Christian, encouragment, family life, friendship, God, iron sharpener, love, maid of honor, mothers, proverbs, relationships, wives

A friend loves at all times… (Proverbs 17:17)

SAMSUNG DIGITAL CAMERA

Ten years ago she stood behind me fastening the last clasp on my wedding dress. She adjusted my veil, told me I looked beautiful, then reminded me of the signal I was supposed to use if – before the “I do’s” – I had a single doubt about my committment to a lifetime kind of love.

This morning she leaned across the middle console of my truck and gave me a tight squeeze, then rushed with her family through the airport doors to catch their flight home.

My best friend. My iron sharpener (Proverbs 27:17).

Our weekend was spent staying up far too late while indulging in sweets like ice cream bars and vanilla scones. And while we laughed and vented about the adventures of our separate family lives and all the happenings we’ve missed out on since we last saw each other, we parted encouraging one another in our roles as wives, mothers, and daughters of the Most High God.

Facebook friends are one thing. Pew pals another. Twitter ties…they’re cool.

But a true friend, the kind who loves at all times – even when you’re hard-headed and difficult to love – is a rare and precious gift. A gift worth thanking God for.

Who’s your forever friend deserving of thanks right now?

Share this:

  • Twitter
  • Facebook
  • LinkedIn
  • Pinterest

Like this:

Like Loading...

From My Heart to God’s Ear…In a Letter

11 Tuesday Sep 2012

Posted by tanaramccauley in Faith, Relationships, and Other Topics

≈ Leave a comment

Tags

author, blessings, bond, child sponsorship, compassion, faith, Father, God, heart, Jesus, letter, poor, poverty, praise, prayer, relationship, rich, writer, writing

Heavenly Father,

I want to praise You and give You thanks for who You are and all that You do.

As I think about child sponsorship and what it has become for me, I really want to just thank You for using such a ministry to bless my family when we thought it would be us being used to bless others. I know through Your Word that You have a heart for the poor and that You have made them rich in faith. That You would use me and take my intention to help with their physical needs, then turn it into love and feelings I never thought I could feel for someone I’ve never seen, I’m amazed.

I’m blessed by every letter, truly Father. Knowing that these precious children pray for us, it humbles me and makes me want to cry sometimes. To have one mother write to tell me she’d make sure her son wouldn’t waste the opportunity sponsorship has given him, You know what that did to me.

Parent to parent I know her heart, and it touched mine. I want to be able to do more, and I pray if it’s Your will, You’ll enable us to. Let it be lavish, LORD! And thank you again for the many letters we get. Please keep them coming. And help me to write each child regularly also. Speak to my heart specific things to pray for them. May they know You, love You, and grow strong in You as they mature. And Father, if You are willing, I pray that we get to meet them all one day. I would love so dearly to hold them close.

For the children who have yet to be sponsored, especially those who have waited for months, move someone’s heart to sponsor a child today. Even if it’s just one, Lord. You pick the person, and match them with the child You’ve intended, and let Your blessing fall down on that relationship and flow through it.

Your ways are perfect, even when we don’t understand them. And I praise You for pairing the poor in flesh but rich in faith, to the poor in faith but rich in flesh, and then revealing Yourself through these bonds You’ve built. You are wonderful and worthy of praise. And I ask, in the name of Jesus, that You would match a child with their sponsor today. I love You, and I thank You for it.

In Jesus’ name…Amen.

Share this:

  • Twitter
  • Facebook
  • LinkedIn
  • Pinterest

Like this:

Like Loading...

Recent Posts

  • AWOL Writer Captured!
  • Reclaimed
  • Unseen

Categories

  • Writing and Pursuing Publication
  • Short Stories, Songs, and Poetry
  • Book Reviews
  • Faith, Relationships, and Other Topics
  • Website

Facebook

Facebook

Twitter

  • Marked as to-read: Sisters of the Resistance by Christine Wells goodreads.com/review/show/37… 6 days ago
Follow @tanaramccauley

What I’m Reading

Instagram

No Instagram images were found.

Subscribe in a reader

Enter your email address to follow this blog and receive notifications of new posts by email.

American Christian Fiction Writers Association

Blog at WordPress.com.

Cancel
%d bloggers like this: