Tag Archives: submission

Mercy Despised

15 Friday Aug 2014

Posted by in Faith, Relationships, and Other Topics

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chains

Not too long ago I had a wrestling match with my youngest daughter, something we do quite often. This particular day I had to cut our bout short.

I trapped her legs between mine, clamped her arms to her sides and her back to my chest in a one-armed hug, and applied enough pressure so that she could accomplish little more than a wiggle.

She laughed.

“You want me to let go?” I stuck my nose in her neck to tickle-torture an affirmative out of her. After squirming just to double-check my grip, she agreed. “Okay, okay. Let me go.”

“Say ‘mercy.'”

She stiffened. Struggled a little more. Shook her head.

“You want me to let go don’t you?” Nod. “Then say ‘mercy.'” Vigorous head shaking. Then the real battle began. She flexed and pushed and strained and twisted. Breath held. Shoulders stiff. Feet jerking in short kicks.

I held on, amazed by her obstinacy. Between laughing and having to reestablish my hold (she’s a strong one), I’d repeat, “Say ‘mercy.'” And she’d respond with a firm, “No.” Her giggling petered out as she got frustrated.

She wanted me to let go. That had already been established. And she was more than willing to take my offer of mercy if it were unconditional. But a formal surrender? Too proud for that. So proud, in fact, she was willing to get deeper into bondage by struggling, rather than simply say the word “mercy” and receive freedom.

Astounding.

Of course I let her go once her “ha, ha, ha” weakened to “he, he, he” and then became “wa, wa, wa.” She’s four. Smack a kiss on that stubborn cheek and set her free.

It didn’t escape me, however, that the response to Christ by many is sadly no different from that of a pre-schooler. We despise the idea of surrender. And in doing so, despise mercy as well.

There’s bondage aplenty: spiritual, physical, financial, sexual, and too many more to name. If it exists, we splash in it, swim in it, or plunge right in to drown in it.

And if mercy is our unconditional right, if we can live like we want and spend our days how we wish, and Christ’s blood is still for the taking without us ever doing the asking, then by all means shower some mercy on us.

But ask? Surrender? Lay down our pride and open our mouths and admit, “I need You. I can’t do this on my own. I confess that You died for me. I confess You as the only way to forgiveness, the only One who can grant me eternal life, the only One who can save me.”

We’d rather stay where we are–no, descend further into the depths–in our struggle to refuse Him.

It’s a grievous irony, this fight to stay in bondage at the expense of victory which comes through surrender. This wanting to live forever but not wanting the Way, the Truth and the Life. This desire to do it all on our own.

When. We. Simply. Cannot.

The mercy of God in Christ is life. He won’t force it on us, but He is ever offering it to us. Let us not despise it.

“For You, Lord, are good, and ready to forgive, and abundant in mercy to all those who call upon You.” ~Psalm 86:5

 

 

Twice the Miracle

09 Wednesday Apr 2014

Posted by in Faith, Relationships, and Other Topics, Short Stories, Songs, and Poetry, Writing and Pursuing Publication

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nurse

I could tell by the look in the nurse’s eyes she wasn’t sure I understood what she was saying. We stared at each other, she with one brow lifted in question for some sign of comprehension on my end; me drifting inside myself with a host of “what if’s” tumbling through my mind.

My twins, due in two months, would be delivered in a matter of hours. The medical staff had done their best to keep them in, and now they had no choice but to take them out surgically.

In part I was relieved. My son, whose water had burst five days earlier, and whose heart stopped with every contraction, couldn’t possibly survive much longer. But the nurse wanted me to acknowledge the risks of such an early delivery: long-term disabilities, breathing difficulties, jaundice, stunted growth, brain defects…and very possibly death. My husband squeezed my hand and spoke for me. Yes we understood. Yes we were prepared.

But no…I wasn’t.

I remember feeling so cold that the blanket tucked around my swollen body was about as effective as it could’ve been warming a block of ice. A new mother, never having held one of my children, I wasn’t at all prepared for the worst. In truth I wanted nothing to do with it.

In my mind’s eye I saw my children alive and healthy, growing and happy. From the first toddled steps to the first days of school; then on to camping trips, family vacations, and game days. That’s what I was prepared for. My heart, which others wanted me to coax into being ready for anything, was defiantly unyielding in its loyalty to the original plan. Come what may, problems and all, I wanted those babies.

But soon enough, as with every other time when my will has rushed to the frontlines of battle and tossed it’s proud locks, words buried in my core began to whisper what I knew all along to be true. It wasn’t my choice. And no amount of will could change that. Whether either twin would suck that first breath of God’s given air into their lungs, or pass quietly on to the call of their Maker, was out of my hands.

I had to lay before Him the desire of my heart – that He let my babies live – then lay my will flat-faced on the floor in submission to His, and accept whatever He chose for me. And in all that still know that He loves me, He is for me, and He is now and forever will be my King. As soon as I did that I had peace about the entire situation, and was finally prepared in the way the doctors and nurses wanted me to be prepared.

What strange creatures we are! What is it in us that makes us automatically think when we’re willing to let go of something we desperately want, it means we’ve already lost it? For at that time, though I still had hope, and I knew beyond doubt that God could not only let them live but make them completely healthy, I was internally cringing in preparation for loss.

I look back on that now, nine years which seem to have passed as quickly as nine glorious sunsets, and I can imagine Him looking down at me on that rather hard, sterile rollaway. His eyes full of compassion as He listened to the fears suppressed beneath my brave exterior. He knew I would love Him no matter what – perhaps He just wanted me to know it too – then He blessed me with two completely healthy, beautiful babies.

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My twins – His twins – turned nine recently. And as they reminisce over the fun they had bringing in the “big nine,” I sit back and look at them in celebration. Not just celebration for their lives, but also celebration of the worthy, mighty Father who gave them life. He who did not spare His own Son, spared both my son and my daughter.

And He is now, and will forever be, my King.

Marriage Part III: The Wife’s Role

03 Friday May 2013

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Wives, likewise, be submissive to your own husbands, that even if some do not obey the Word, they, without a word, may be won by the conduct of their wives. (1 Peter 3:1)

Such a teaching is so unpopular these days that to abide by it seems to warrant a guilty-like confession of some antiquated wrongdoing: 

Hi. My name is Tanara McCauley. And I submit to my husband.

I haven’t always done so, and I certainly don’t always do it well. In fact, sometimes my behavior is such that my husband deserves an early morning disclaimer, “You may as well head on up to the rooftop because it’s gonna be one of those days.” (Better to dwell in a corner of a housetop than in a house shared with a contentious woman. Proverbs 21:9)

Over the years, however, I’ve learned some crucial and sometimes hard lessons about what it takes to make my marriage persevere, to make it joyful, fulfilling, and something beautiful. And part of that is abiding in the role that God ordained for me as a wife–not one that He reduced to me to, but one that He made specifically for me to thrive in with the gifts and qualities He imparted to me.

  1. Lesson 1: It’s not a competition~
    Marriage does require give and take, but it shouldn’t be executed with a tit-for-tat sort of justice. Often the scales are unbalanced. A wise woman recognizes that the shift is sometimes in her favor, so that she can be gracious during the times when it is not. A wise woman builds up her husband instead of using his mistakes as an opportunity to usurp his role at the expense of his dignity.
  2. Lesson 2: It’s a oneness~
    This is a complex and mysterious concept, but its acceptance is vital in a healthy marriage. Whatever benefits my husband benefits me, whatever harms him harms me. We are individual people, but we are not separate. And our individual roles serve to magnify the greater bond that exists between us, making us one.
  3. Lesson 3: A submissive wife is precious~
    There is an “incorruptible beauty” which is “very precious in the sight of God” that exists in the “gentle and quiet spirit” of a submissive wife (1 Peter 3:4-5). She is not pitiful, she does not have low self-esteem. To the contrary, her God adores her and watches very carefully how the man who leads her is treating her.
  4. Lesson 4: Role confusion can rob you~
    We recently faced a major life decision that we couldn’t make heads or tails of. At one point we were ready to leap before we had true assurance of God’s will. We knew God wasn’t going to punish us if we didn’t get it right. Yet, before we acted in haste we came to the realization: What if option A is like being on the lake, while option B is meant to be the beach? (My husband’s dream is to live near the beach someday). Swapping roles in marriage kind of works the same way. It can function, but it’s a much lesser version of the grand plan God designed for it. The fireworks dim to a candle’s flicker, the masterpiece painting is replaced with a copy.
  5. Lesson 5: The end goal is eternal life~
    I’ll admit I have a wonderful husband; and I know this is not something every woman can say. Submitting to someone who’s not only less than perfect, but even less than our idea of barely competent seems like more of a burden than anyone should be asked to bear. But consider this: Christ, perfect and worthy in every way, submitted Himself to a humiliating death on the cross for an ungrateful, unloving, and unworthy world. Whether my husband is at his best, or, God help him, about-faces and walks contrary to the Word of God, what is my life, my happiness, my rights, compared to the salvation of the one whom my soul loves (Song of Solomon 3:4)? If for this reason alone, I accept my role gladly, submitting to my husband as unto the Lord, to the glory of Him who called me to do so.

Your turn: What are your thoughts on marriage roles? How have they worked in your marriage?

Guest Blog Opportunity: If you are a man who would like to guest blog on the Christian husband’s role, with some examples of how the principles work in your own marriage please send an email to tanara@tanaramccauley.com.

Click here for Marriage Part I: The Model, Click here for Marriage Part II: The Choice