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Tanara McCauley

~ Love Knows Color

Tanara McCauley

Tag Archives: religion

Twice the Miracle

09 Wednesday Apr 2014

Posted by tanaramccauley in Faith, Relationships, and Other Topics, Short Stories, Songs, and Poetry, Writing and Pursuing Publication

≈ 21 Comments

Tags

Bible, Christian, faith, family, miracles, parenting, pregnancy, premature birth, religion, submission, surrender, twins

nurse

I could tell by the look in the nurse’s eyes she wasn’t sure I understood what she was saying. We stared at each other, she with one brow lifted in question for some sign of comprehension on my end; me drifting inside myself with a host of “what if’s” tumbling through my mind.

My twins, due in two months, would be delivered in a matter of hours. The medical staff had done their best to keep them in, and now they had no choice but to take them out surgically.

In part I was relieved. My son, whose water had burst five days earlier, and whose heart stopped with every contraction, couldn’t possibly survive much longer. But the nurse wanted me to acknowledge the risks of such an early delivery: long-term disabilities, breathing difficulties, jaundice, stunted growth, brain defects…and very possibly death. My husband squeezed my hand and spoke for me. Yes we understood. Yes we were prepared.

But no…I wasn’t.

I remember feeling so cold that the blanket tucked around my swollen body was about as effective as it could’ve been warming a block of ice. A new mother, never having held one of my children, I wasn’t at all prepared for the worst. In truth I wanted nothing to do with it.

In my mind’s eye I saw my children alive and healthy, growing and happy. From the first toddled steps to the first days of school; then on to camping trips, family vacations, and game days. That’s what I was prepared for. My heart, which others wanted me to coax into being ready for anything, was defiantly unyielding in its loyalty to the original plan. Come what may, problems and all, I wanted those babies.

But soon enough, as with every other time when my will has rushed to the frontlines of battle and tossed it’s proud locks, words buried in my core began to whisper what I knew all along to be true. It wasn’t my choice. And no amount of will could change that. Whether either twin would suck that first breath of God’s given air into their lungs, or pass quietly on to the call of their Maker, was out of my hands.

I had to lay before Him the desire of my heart – that He let my babies live – then lay my will flat-faced on the floor in submission to His, and accept whatever He chose for me. And in all that still know that He loves me, He is for me, and He is now and forever will be my King. As soon as I did that I had peace about the entire situation, and was finally prepared in the way the doctors and nurses wanted me to be prepared.

What strange creatures we are! What is it in us that makes us automatically think when we’re willing to let go of something we desperately want, it means we’ve already lost it? For at that time, though I still had hope, and I knew beyond doubt that God could not only let them live but make them completely healthy, I was internally cringing in preparation for loss.

I look back on that now, nine years which seem to have passed as quickly as nine glorious sunsets, and I can imagine Him looking down at me on that rather hard, sterile rollaway. His eyes full of compassion as He listened to the fears suppressed beneath my brave exterior. He knew I would love Him no matter what – perhaps He just wanted me to know it too – then He blessed me with two completely healthy, beautiful babies.

SAMSUNG DIGITAL CAMERA

twinsbday

My twins – His twins – turned nine recently. And as they reminisce over the fun they had bringing in the “big nine,” I sit back and look at them in celebration. Not just celebration for their lives, but also celebration of the worthy, mighty Father who gave them life. He who did not spare His own Son, spared both my son and my daughter.

And He is now, and will forever be, my King.

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A Little Tact, Please

16 Tuesday Jul 2013

Posted by tanaramccauley in and Other Topics, Faith, Relationships

≈ 16 Comments

Tags

arguments, Christianity, compassion, debate, grace, humility, in your face, love, political topics, relationships, religion, social issues, spirituality, tact

argument

Years ago, in a modest California home on a crowded California couch, I sat next to my Great-Grandmother who was visiting with my parents for a few weeks.

Remote in hand, I flipped through their zillion channels for something suitable to watch. It went a little like this:

Click. Pause. Interesting? No. Click. Pause. Seen it. Click. “Bleep, bleep, bleep, get your bleeping, bleep, bleep…”

If there were a record for the world’s worst remote control fumble, I’d have it, because I dropped that thing about five times before I could finally get a grip strong enough to turn off the television. I felt like I’d just been on the receiving end of a hefty slapping session.

I was humiliated to have subjected my Great-Grandmother to that.

In the same way, whenever there is a social or political issue that drives passionate exchange between differing views, I get flustered and humiliated when I see, hear, or read about Christians expressing themselves with insult, crude language, and in-your-face hostility.

Can we disagree with people without name-calling? “Speak evil of no one.” (Titus 3:2)

Can we talk about someone we didn’t vote for without insult? “It is written, you shall not speak evil of a ruler of your people.” (Acts 23:5)

Can we have healthy exchange without it being a volley of sarcasm and anger? “Let your speech be always full of grace, seasoned with salt.” (Colossians 4:6)

Can we stop being right long enough to be compassionate about another person? “Knowledge puffs up, but love edifies.” (1 Corinthians 8:1)

Can we consider that what we say in the name of our Master is a reflection of that very name, and choose to honor Him instead of doling out pieces of our minds at every turn? “Men will have to give account on the day of judgment for every careless word they have spoken.” (Matthew 12:36)

Can we, as Christians, just have a little tact? Please.

Titus 3:1-15

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The Bible – Better Read Than Watched on TV

04 Monday Mar 2013

Posted by tanaramccauley in Faith, Relationships, and Other Topics

≈ 10 Comments

Tags

black Americans, Christianity, Egyptians, historical accuracy, Malcolm X, Marthin Luther King Jr., minorities, Native Americans, pharaoh, racial tensions, relationships, religion, social issues, spreading the Gospel, The Bible series, the History channel

I’ve been hearing all week about the upcoming The Bible series on the History channel. Though I originally determined not to watch it (because movies derived from books rarely do the original work justice, and I didn’t want to have that disgusted feeling about the precious Word put to screen) I succumbed to the pressure of numerous tweets and advertisements by prominent Christians who promised an epic, powerful visualization of the Bible.

I watched the first installment tonight and…I wanted to like it. I truly did. And if my reasons for not liking it were limited to the numerous creative liberties taken, or the occasional skewing of facts that occurred, or the huge amounts of material left out, I’d most likely not be writing this post. After all, Margaret Minnicks did a great job of addressing many major concerns on her post.

My core issue, however, comes from a social standpoint that is such a huge stumbling block for so many people when it comes to Christianity. It’s a delicate topic hard to tackle with delicacy, and I’d prefer to avoid it altogether. But, as it stands, it needs to be addressed; because many people whom I’ve met, witnessed to, and even love, would watch such a show and reaffirm their misgivings about the real agenda behind Christianity.

That agenda? Well…read on.

I was disappointed when I saw the major characters in tonight’s episode. For although historically all of them were Hebrew, Egyptian, or some tribal version of African/Middle Eastern, most of the actors weren’t brown (except the servants, slaves, and supporting cast).

Color and race do not the Kingdom of Heaven make!

But at the very least in a movie it’s quite distracting if you get it wrong. After all, you wouldn’t cast Jet Li to play Martin Luther King Jr., or Adam Beach as Winston Churchill. Moviegoers would spend the first part of the movie thinking: What?!? Why?!? And the second half standing in line waiting for a refund.

The distracting part is not what drives my passion about this issue, however. What does is the fact that Christianity (not Christ!) has a very oppressive past, especially in America. And because that past is fundamentally racial in nature (e.g., Native American boarding schools, slavery justified as biblical), any attempt to anglicize Bible history more than necessary is seen as a “brown is lesser” message among those who have not forgotten. Consider the words of Craig Smith: “Native people have often hidden behind the notion that Christianity is the Whiteman’s Gospel.”

Or think back to Malcolm X. Was it not Christianity portrayed as a tool to make blacks feel less than whites that played a strong role in his becoming Muslim? Do not the unseen forces all around us, the ones who would see us perish rather than give our hearts to our Almighty Creator, use and perpetuate these racial tensions to keep the lost lost?

There are thousands of Christians who belong to minority races, myself included. This message is not about us. It’s about the ones who aren’t willing to hear of Christ because they are hard-pressed to find biblical visuals that don’t support the notion that Christianity is of another world that they must sell-out to in order to become a part of.

They may or may not know much of the Gospel, but they’ve heard tell of pharaohs and Egyptians, sandy deserts and camels, and caravans of people who dwelt in sunbathed tents as they journeyed from land to land. Only when it’s brought to life they’re looking at European (or European-esque) actors in ethnic settings. Instead of opening their ears and hearts to receive the message within the story, they narrow their eyes in suspicion and nurse old wounds as stories of how they were stripped of their culture and constantly told they weren’t good enough boil back to the surface.

Within the confines of Christian fellowship (meaning when we’re preaching to the choir), who plays who doesn’t really matter. Put on a play at church and let the sound guy – whoever he may be – pour his heart into an Oscar-aspiring Paul. When trying to reach those on the outside, however, by all means make it true to life people!

Because if they can’t trust us with the small stuff – that an Egyptian has brown skin, or that Jesus may have looked like Oded’s much less attractive cousin – they won’t even want to hear the big stuff. The good stuff. The soul-saving stuff.

And if we’re not out to win the lost, what on earth is the point?

My goal here is not to criticize the makers or producers because I do applaud their efforts to give us something to watch with Christian worldview content. I would hope, however, that in the future we as a body, as a church, as a people, would consider those we are trying to reach, would consider the story we are trying to tell, and consider every block we can avoid that might cause someone to reject it, then make our biblical accounts as visually accurate as we can make them.

For we can’t be all things to all people if we won’t even represent them in the story of salvation.

Thoughts?

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God Speaks. Are You Listening?

26 Tuesday Feb 2013

Posted by tanaramccauley in Faith, Relationships, and Other Topics

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Tags

Bible, Christian experience, church, God speaks, Jesus, lesson learned, listening to God, ministry, perspective, relationships, religion, Scripture, sharing the Gospel, spirituality, walk with god

Drake was by all appearances a super-Christian…

Check out a valuable lesson learned in my walk with God as I share one of my early experiences as a Christian.

You can find the story at A Pew Perspective, where I am guest blogging today.

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