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Tanara McCauley

~ Love Knows Color

Tanara McCauley

Tag Archives: grief

Unseen

22 Monday Jan 2018

Posted by tanaramccauley in Faith, Relationships, and Other Topics

≈ 9 Comments

Tags

dogs, endurance, faith, grief, grieving, hiking, love, persevere, prayer, Trials

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I last climbed this mountain a couple of months ago with a friend and my dog, Charlie. Charlie landed on a jumping cactus high up the trail. A whole burr clung to his paw and I couldn’t remove it. Each time I tried I ended up with spines in my hands.

The weather was hot. Charlie was heavy (20 lbs is light until you have to hold it just so in order to keep cactus spines from latching to other parts of the body). I was so mentally, emotionally, and physically grieved over the recent loss of my brother that this seemingly inconsequential situation brought me to the end of my strength.

I couldn’t leave Charlie on that mountain, but I couldn’t carry him down either, and it would take at least an hour for anyone to reach us— at which point there was no guarantee they’d be able to remove the cactus anyway.

I didn’t want to speak. And I didn’t want to cry; I didn’t want to give room to any emotion that could run away with me. But I knew if I didn’t ask the Lord, I honestly could have lain down on that vacant mountain—just me, my dog, and my worried friend—and given up.

In a voice only loud enough for Him to hear, I paused, lifted my face to the sky, and whispered in four small words the sum of my soul and all that it carried: “Jesus, I need You.”

My friend crested the mountain. She saw three men. They had serviced the mountain tower and were packing up when she rushed to catch them. One of them was a former cowhand and had wrestled steer to the ground to remedy problems just like Charlie’s.

But while Charlie is the biggest coward to ever wear canine form, he’ll scrap for it if he thinks death is imminent. He growled and snapped and rolled out of my grip each time they came near him. I was afraid they’d give up. I was distraught over the thought.

This time I cried in my heart: “Jesus, I need You.”

The cowhand looked at me. “We’re going to take care of this for you,” he said. “I know people get attached to their dogs emotionally. Trust me, I won’t hurt him, I just need to manhandle him a little bit, and we’ll take care of this for you.”

And they did. They took spines in their own fingers, got dirt and Charlie’s unmentionables all over one of the heavy work jackets they pinned him down with. They labored over him until his paws were free of every spine.

I didn’t want to cry. I wanted to weep. But I still had a heart too fragile to let my emotions run away with me.

So I thanked them. I asked if I could repay them. Get the jacket cleaned at least.

“Absolutely not,” they said.

Charlie stood, tested his paws, then pranced about like a show pony with his head and dirty tail high. He has no shame.

We started our descent, the three men wishing us well. The wind blew on my face, cool against the sweat on my skin. I felt inside the way Charlie looked in his prance: lighthearted and with joy restored.

Grief, trial, trouble. These all have a way of making one feel forgotten. Unseen. Unimportant. And even though truth is not changed by feelings, feelings are a powerful distraction.

But on that day, during that trivial predicament of a woman on a mountain with her quirky dog—when I truly could not take another step beyond the culmination of things pressing me down— Yeshua reminded me through the presence and persistence of those men: “I see you. I love you. I am here.”

As you head into the week, whatever it is you’re facing and however much it hurts, take your feelings, your questions, your doubts, your scheming to make it all work out; surrender these to the Son who died to save you and embrace this truth:

He sees you. He loves you. He is here.

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The Goodness of God

17 Saturday Jan 2015

Posted by tanaramccauley in and Other Topics, Faith, Faith, Relationships, and Other Topics, Relationships

≈ 7 Comments

Tags

arizona, basketball, Christ, Christian, faith, God is good, grief, joy, miracles, NBA All-Star, phoenix, prayer, tragedy

womanheart I would have lost heart, unless I had believed that I would see the goodness of the LORD in the land of the living. ~Psalm 27:13

It was Valentine’s Day, 2009. The NBA All-Star festivities were taking place in Phoenix, and my husband Jon and I decided it would be fun to go as a family. We excited our twins, then three-years-old, with the promise of a fun-filled evening of basketball, cheering, and endless snacking.

We figured we’d buy tickets at the arena, since All-Star events never look sold out. But this event had. And the people selling tickets on the street were selling them at face value or higher.

$300. Each.

We’ve taught our kids about God from infancy. Trust Him. He loves you. Pray about everything. Know that He hears you.

And though we model these admonitions in their presence, praying about the tickets didn’t occur to Jon or me as we talked about a plan B.

“But, Dad.” Our daughter grabbed his face between her little hands and turned it toward the entrance. “We want to go in there.”

“We don’t have tickets, baby.”

“But we didn’t ask God yet. You said we could ask God anything.”

And so ask Him we did. Not two minutes after “amen,” a young man approached. “Do you guys need a ticket? I have an extra one.”

“How much?” Jon asked.

“Here you go.” The guy handed over the ticket, shook Jon’s hand and walked away. We received the rest of the tickets within minutes, all for the same price: free.

allstar

We had a wonderful time that night, and praised God for His goodness.

But sometimes the answer to prayer is no. Like the time I lost my third child to miscarriage, or when we lost my mother-in-law to leukemia sixteen months after her diagnosis.

Even in those instances, as painful as they were, God remained faithful, loving, and good. Because His goodness isn’t contingent on how He answers prayer, or even that He answers prayer. His goodness is one of His many unending, never-changing attributes.

A “yes” to our prayers is a byproduct of that goodness. A “no,” a byproduct of His wisdom. For He knows the plans He has for us, even when we don’t.

Divine admittance to a basketball game wasn’t a monumental life event, but it was definitely an eye-opening one. It affirmed that God cares about the trivial and the major, because He cares about us.

We can trust Him, knowing that He loves us. We can pray about everything, knowing that He hears us. And we can enjoy peace that passes understanding, knowing that the God we serve is good.

Your turn: In what way(s) has God wowed you with His goodness?

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The Nearness of God

13 Saturday Dec 2014

Posted by tanaramccauley in and Other Topics, Faith, Relationships

≈ 4 Comments

Tags

broken hearted, Christ, Christian, Christmas, comfort, family, grief, healing, holidays, hurt, love, nearness of God, psalm, relationships, restoration

The Lord is near to those who have a broken heart, and saves such as have a contrite spirit. -Psalm 34:18

nearness to God

This will be our first Christmas without my mother-in-law. For some it will be a first Christmas without a spouse, a sibling, a friend, or a child. For others it will be the second Christmas, or the third, maybe more.

Whatever your grief, know that God has not forgotten you. May His love surround you in such a way that you know without a doubt He is near.

Blessings and prayers from my family to yours.

~Tanara

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Promised

18 Saturday Jan 2014

Posted by tanaramccauley in Faith, Relationships, and Other Topics

≈ 4 Comments

Tags

Christ, Christian living, faith, grief, hope, inspiration, joy, loss, love, promises, relationships, salvation

Life–if we’re honest–is hard.

That’s not to say it isn’t good. Laughter, the arms of a child thrown around your neck, kisses from the one you love–these are all precious tidbits of the countless things that keep us striving to lengthen our days.

But life does throw many a curve ball. And these unexpected hurls of devastation feel meteor-sized by the time they strike.

I’ve been blessed enough to not have a multitude of wayward pitches chucked my way. But when it happens the aftermath is intense, especially when there’s loss. Because those I love, I love deeply.

Yet even then I have a foundation that keeps me anchored and assures me comfort will come.

We’ve not been promised easy. Nor has our faith in Christ granted us immunity from the hardship and heartache of life.

We have, however, been promised Christ. And in the end, I can endure the uncertainty and pain of life, just as I enjoy the fruit of all the blessings.

Because I am His. And He is mine.

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